Chuck Norris quick hits

Chuck Norris once had a heart attack; his heart lost.
Little kids enjoy lighting ants on fire with magnifying glasses. Chuck Norris enjoys lighting little kids on fire with ants. Scientists have yet to find out how this feat is achieved.
Not only does Chuck Norris talk in the third-person, he sees in the third-person.
Most men are OK with their wives fantasizing about Chuck Norris during sex, because they are doing the same thing.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
When Chuck Norris says jump, you ask for permission to come down.
Chuck Norris gave cats nine lives so he could kill them more.
Chuck Norris refers to himself in fourth person.
Chuck Noris puts the “laughter” in “manslaughter”.
Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
Guns don’t kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.
Chuck Norris does not sleep, He waits.
Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.
There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.
God wanted 10 days to create the world. Chuck Norris gave him 6.
Every year on his birthday, Chuck norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.
Chuck Norris frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
Chuck Norris does not go hunting because ‘hunting’ implies a chance of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
Chuck Norris knows what you did last summer and what you are doing right now.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
Chuch Norris once punched a woman in the vagina because she didn’t give him exact change.